Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Perils of Online Dating

I suppose there are all sorts of peril in online dating, but for me, and I would imagine many others, creating the profile is the first challenge. As a person of a certain age, in many way it is like selling a used car or a house that is a "handyman special." How can I best represent myself, or should I try to accurately represent myself? I certainly don't want someone who is extreme in her political views, whether left or right. I don't want someone that is overly religious or spiritual. I have dated these people and I have found it incredibly taxing. In so positioning myself am I coming off as bland? I suppose for those types I might well be.

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So many of the generic things people post are much help. "I like movies and music, going to dinner, and taking walks." Not much help. I like a lot of different music, as I suppose mot people do. I don't care too much for modern country or hip-hop, but I do like some. I can't see myself listening to either for a car ride longer than 15-20 minutes without turning it down and talking over it. I don't care for a lot of reality TV, and watching another singing/talent competition, a dating show like the Bachelor or Bachelorette, or some celebrity lifestyle show would make me pull out a book or head for another room. I understand they are immensely popular, but not for me. Additionally, I am not a die-hard sports fan as so many people all in the South.

So I wrote my reasonably generic depiction of myself, curated a few reasonably recent photos (less than a year old), and created my profile. The site I was using had an interface that I do not like. Apparently you can like or pass on folks, and then it sends some notification to them if you "like them." I had been using the "like" as a save for later review and them consider communicating with them. I think it has been sending them some canned, inane communication from me. Ugh. 

Inevitably one receives similar messages from persons who were most assuredly in the "pass" group. Am I obligated to respond? Someone took the time to look me over, but for whatever reason I had didn't want to consider them further. Perhaps it was there looks, or a series of bathroom/car selfies, or just a general sense that the might be a little on the crazy side. Now, I have dated my share of crazies (and I am certain I have been the crazy for other people), and there is something to be said for the neverending drama that can surround them, but I am too old and too tired for all of that.

I have paid for one month on the site, and I have cancelled my auto-renewal. This is also not uncommon for me. Sometimes I get started, dip my toe in the water, and then decide the timing is not right. I then return to the site, or find another, and am more vested in seeing it through. Perhaps in a few months I will be more engaged in the hunt for romance.