Perils of Online Dating

I suppose there are all sorts of peril in online dating, but for me, and I would imagine many others, creating the profile is the first challenge. As a person of a certain age, in many way it is like selling a used car or a house that is a "handyman special." How can I best represent myself, or should I try to accurately represent myself? I certainly don't want someone who is extreme in her political views, whether left or right. I don't want someone that is overly religious or spiritual. I have dated these people and I have found it incredibly taxing. In so positioning myself am I coming off as bland? I suppose for those types I might well be.

So many of the generic things people post are much help. "I like movies and music, going to dinner, and taking walks." Not much help. I like a lot of different music, as I suppose mot people do. I don't care too much for modern country or hip-hop, but I do like some. I can't see myself listening to either for a car ride longer than 15-20 minutes without turning it down and talking over it. I don't care for a lot of reality TV, and watching another singing/talent competition, a dating show like the Bachelor or Bachelorette, or some celebrity lifestyle show would make me pull out a book or head for another room. I understand they are immensely popular, but not for me. Additionally, I am not a die-hard sports fan as so many people all in the South.

So I wrote my reasonably generic depiction of myself, curated a few reasonably recent photos (less than a year old), and created my profile. The site I was using had an interface that I do not like. Apparently you can like or pass on folks, and then it sends some notification to them if you "like them." I had been using the "like" as a save for later review and them consider communicating with them. I think it has been sending them some canned, inane communication from me. Ugh. 

Inevitably one receives similar messages from persons who were most assuredly in the "pass" group. Am I obligated to respond? Someone took the time to look me over, but for whatever reason I had didn't want to consider them further. Perhaps it was there looks, or a series of bathroom/car selfies, or just a general sense that the might be a little on the crazy side. Now, I have dated my share of crazies (and I am certain I have been the crazy for other people), and there is something to be said for the neverending drama that can surround them, but I am too old and too tired for all of that.

I have paid for one month on the site, and I have cancelled my auto-renewal. This is also not uncommon for me. Sometimes I get started, dip my toe in the water, and then decide the timing is not right. I then return to the site, or find another, and am more vested in seeing it through. Perhaps in a few months I will be more engaged in the hunt for romance.

Alone Again, Naturally

Well, after a tumultuous spring, my SAG and I parted company. I suppose it was as amicable as a breakup can be, but that didn't make it any less painful.

I dove back into the dating pool after some small period of self-doubt and misery.  (NB: I started this post in April 2018).

So, now two years and two more relationships gone by, I am trying to determine if I am ready and willing to dive back into the pool, post (mid?) COVID.

Little One has completed her first year of college and is living full-time in her college town. I am living with the hounds and the few chickens I bought over the last two years.  I suppose now that I am pretty much an empty-nester, and a man of a certain age, I ponder how I want to shape my future.

I have had two competing dreams throughout my life. One, to own some land in a very rural part of the US, with woods and pastures, perhaps to farm or run a few head of cattle. As idyllic as that might be, it would be a lot of work. How much work do I really want to do when I retire, or as I decline? How much will I physically be able to do? How does one find that balance between becoming a mushroom, sitting in a recliner, reading, watching telly, and pouring the first glass of scotch ever closer to noon, or even to sweeten the coffee?

The other dream, is life aboard a boat. One of my high school pals and I almost bought a cabin cruiser in the late 80s, but we never did. Now, I have learned to sail, and I like it. Sailboats - all boats - require regular maintenance and upkeep. While technically I can sail, I am not very experienced. I would need more training to truly feel comfortable in heavy weather or heavily trafficked waters.

So while I have Little One in college, and am paying those bills, I continue to contemplate how I will chart my course.