Perils of Online Dating

I suppose there are all sorts of peril in online dating, but for me, and I would imagine many others, creating the profile is the first challenge. As a person of a certain age, in many way it is like selling a used car or a house that is a "handyman special." How can I best represent myself, or should I try to accurately represent myself? I certainly don't want someone who is extreme in her political views, whether left or right. I don't want someone that is overly religious or spiritual. I have dated these people and I have found it incredibly taxing. In so positioning myself am I coming off as bland? I suppose for those types I might well be.

So many of the generic things people post are much help. "I like movies and music, going to dinner, and taking walks." Not much help. I like a lot of different music, as I suppose mot people do. I don't care too much for modern country or hip-hop, but I do like some. I can't see myself listening to either for a car ride longer than 15-20 minutes without turning it down and talking over it. I don't care for a lot of reality TV, and watching another singing/talent competition, a dating show like the Bachelor or Bachelorette, or some celebrity lifestyle show would make me pull out a book or head for another room. I understand they are immensely popular, but not for me. Additionally, I am not a die-hard sports fan as so many people all in the South.

So I wrote my reasonably generic depiction of myself, curated a few reasonably recent photos (less than a year old), and created my profile. The site I was using had an interface that I do not like. Apparently you can like or pass on folks, and then it sends some notification to them if you "like them." I had been using the "like" as a save for later review and them consider communicating with them. I think it has been sending them some canned, inane communication from me. Ugh. 

Inevitably one receives similar messages from persons who were most assuredly in the "pass" group. Am I obligated to respond? Someone took the time to look me over, but for whatever reason I had didn't want to consider them further. Perhaps it was there looks, or a series of bathroom/car selfies, or just a general sense that the might be a little on the crazy side. Now, I have dated my share of crazies (and I am certain I have been the crazy for other people), and there is something to be said for the neverending drama that can surround them, but I am too old and too tired for all of that.

I have paid for one month on the site, and I have cancelled my auto-renewal. This is also not uncommon for me. Sometimes I get started, dip my toe in the water, and then decide the timing is not right. I then return to the site, or find another, and am more vested in seeing it through. Perhaps in a few months I will be more engaged in the hunt for romance.

Alone Again, Naturally

Well, after a tumultuous spring, my SAG and I parted company. I suppose it was as amicable as a breakup can be, but that didn't make it any less painful.

I dove back into the dating pool after some small period of self-doubt and misery.  (NB: I started this post in April 2018).

So, now two years and two more relationships gone by, I am trying to determine if I am ready and willing to dive back into the pool, post (mid?) COVID.

Little One has completed her first year of college and is living full-time in her college town. I am living with the hounds and the few chickens I bought over the last two years.  I suppose now that I am pretty much an empty-nester, and a man of a certain age, I ponder how I want to shape my future.

I have had two competing dreams throughout my life. One, to own some land in a very rural part of the US, with woods and pastures, perhaps to farm or run a few head of cattle. As idyllic as that might be, it would be a lot of work. How much work do I really want to do when I retire, or as I decline? How much will I physically be able to do? How does one find that balance between becoming a mushroom, sitting in a recliner, reading, watching telly, and pouring the first glass of scotch ever closer to noon, or even to sweeten the coffee?

The other dream, is life aboard a boat. One of my high school pals and I almost bought a cabin cruiser in the late 80s, but we never did. Now, I have learned to sail, and I like it. Sailboats - all boats - require regular maintenance and upkeep. While technically I can sail, I am not very experienced. I would need more training to truly feel comfortable in heavy weather or heavily trafficked waters.

So while I have Little One in college, and am paying those bills, I continue to contemplate how I will chart my course.

What was I thinking?

My Sexy American Girlfriend has an empty nest, and I do not. At times this can create some frustration as we don't spend enough time together doing "couple things." In an effort to think out of the box, Jud suggested we take a dance class.


Yes, gentle reader, you are probably screaming at the monitor "What are you doing? One of your favorite phrases from years past is that you believe 'Hell has a dance floor.'" I know. You will also recall that instead of seeing a red flag and taking a pause, Jud jams down on the accelerator and unfastens his seatbelt.


The class was billed as a Novice level West Coast Swing. We showed up a few minutes and watched a class finishing up. The instructor was young, but seemed sweet and friendly. Soon it was our time, and the class had 5 couples and the instructor and her partner, who, due to the lack of men, was another young lady.

We started learning the first few steps, and my SAGF and I were laughing and cutting up as we tried to learn and keep up. After about 10 minutes of fumbling around they announced we were to switch partners. What the hell? I signed up to learn something with my special lady friend. I wanted us to laugh and have fun. My mood quickly changed, as they tried to teach new steps on top of the ones I had already not learned. And then we switched partners again and again.

All of my partners and it seemed all of the other people in the class seemed to have some grasp of the basic moves and they were more interested in learning how they were combined and ordered for this particular dance.

Jud lasted 45 minutes out of 60, which isn't bad. I was fine sitting and watching, but I was done. I felt embarrassed - humiliated even - and abandoned. The SAGF has witnessed my introvert's social anxiety on three other occasions over the past 3 years, but this was one of the worst.

I can almost laugh about it now, but not really.

Oddities in the Office

Jud was in the break room the other morning fixing a hot mug of bad coffee from some Keurig kind of device that company supplies ( I appreciate the gesture and the fact that the coffee is free. That doesn't make it taste any better). A colleague came in turned on the hot water tap in the sink full blast. Then she walked away to fill up this 1/2 gallon pitcher with ice from our industrial ice maker. Then she shook her pitcher to "settle" the ice, and put some more into it. Then she put hot water over the ice.


For a moment I thought perhaps she making some tea or other beverage using some arcane process learned from a monk high in the Appalachians, but no. When another bystander asked what she was doing, she replied "I don't like my ice water too cold."

Finals!

Today is the last day of finals for Little One, who is now 16. Damn. The end of her sophomore year, and she will be glad to see it end. It hasn't been a stellar academic year, more of "I hope she marries well" or "how long will she live at home" year.

She does have gainful employment for the summer, working as a lifeguard for $8/hour. So far her job has cost me about $300 in certification and uniforms. I was going to ask her pay some of this back, but the SAGF (Sexy American Girlfriend). gave me a look and then said, "Why?" with a shake of her short, blonde hair and disbelief in her eyes.

So, gentle readers, let me introduce the SAGF, who I hope to hell never reads this. We met, and begin dating, about 3 years ago. She is also divorced, her 2 kids are in college, and she has a good job and family. Why she puts up with Ol' Jud is a question for future scholars to study and debate, as it is a great mystery of the modern age.

But back to finals. I don't recall what her final is today, but it isn't Chemistry or History. I know that because her History teacher called me and, very kindly, told me that she hadn't taken up the make-up test for Chapter 10 of some text. I thanked him and told Little One later last night. In disbelief that she had forgotten, she remarked that she could not recall the subject of Chapter 10. Perhaps Chapter 10 should be called Chapter X of the Secret Tome of Forgotten Knowledge, 4th edition.

 I suggested she could reference her notes, but before the all of the words of that sentence had left my mouth, I was informed that the notes had been destroyed in a fit of teenage celebratory ecstasy at the end of the term. The irony that the term wasn't quite over yet for her didn't sit well.

Barring some odd mishap she should be allowed to begin her penultimate year of high school in the late summer. Best of luck, Little One.  

Little One

So, my Little One just had a birthday, her 14th. She is quite a character. She is bright, funny, pretty, creative and full of life. She is driving me nuts. 

There is much about being a teenager I can remember as clearly as if 14 was last month. There is probably even more that I cannot relate to at all, especially having to be a teen in the the digital age.

We struggle as parents and teens have always struggled. Even when I don't like her too much, I am proud of her and I love her.

Here's to you Little One!

Road Trip!

Yes, my legion of fans, Jud is hitting the road for the weekend. Little One and I are hitting the road to the exciting vacation of Valdosta, Georgia.

What could be better than a visit to a town with motto "A City Without Limits". Heck, it is the 14th largest city in the state.

It's okay to be a little jealous.